September Daily Practice: Wisdom Practice -- Equanimity

Well, with this posting, this blog marks it's first anniversary. I'm wondering if those who have signed on as followers could offer some feedback on what has been helpful, what hasn't been so helpful and what you'd like to see on this blog. In a nutshell, I'd like this blog to be of service to you and all those who wish to live more mindfully, and I'd also like it to be more 'interactive.'  In looking over the past year, there's been less and less comments made, and I wonder what this signifies?

As for this month's Daily Practice, I'm sharing the fourth of the Four Immeasurables, the one that can be most challenging, and yet is ultimately the foundation and nourishment needed to expand the other three (friendliness, compassion and joy) 'immeasurably!'

A lot of people I know avoid reading the paper first thing in the morning—being confronted with all of the injustices and bad deeds in the world is an unsettling way to start the day. It’s difficult to read about the latest corporate finance scam or the obscenity of human trafficking and keep your peace of mind, and it’s even harder to know how to respond. The conflict feels even more immediate when you witness an unjust act firsthand, or are yourself the recipient of one, whether it’s having your wallet stolen, your car broken into, or any sort of hurtful behavior directed your way. The answer to this problem is upeksha, or equanimity, the fourth of the brahmaviharas. This state of mind allows us to respond to the nonvirtuous deeds of others, and indeed, to all of life’s fluctuations, in such a way that we are, as Buddhist scholar Peter Harvey describes it, the opposite of the way James Bond likes his martini: Stirred but not shaken. When we cultivate equanimity, we’re moved by injustice in the world and motivated to make things better, but our deep inner serenity is not disturbed.

Sometimes translated as indifference, upeksha is not a bland state of neutrality. In fact it means we care, and care deeply about all beings evenly! The Buddhist tradition’s understanding of upekkha or equanimity is one of balance. A balanced heart is not an unfeeling heart. The balanced heart feels pleasure without grasping and clinging at it, it feels pain without condemning or hating, and it stays open to neutral experiences with presence. Insight Meditation teacher Sharon Salzburg speaks of equanimity as a “spacious stillness of mind,” within which we can remain connected to others and all that is happening around us, while remaining free of our conditioned habit of grasping at what is pleasant and pushing away what is unpleasant.

  

One way to experience equanimity is to experiment with mindfulness meditation. Rather than fixing one-pointed attention on a single object such as the breath or a mantra, mindfulness meditation involves the moment-to-moment awareness of changing objects of perception. Mindfulness is like a flood light, shining awareness on the whole field of experience including sensations, emotions, and thoughts as they arise and pass away in the dynamic, ever-changing flux that characterizes the human experience of body and mind. Mindfulness allows you to see the nature of the unfolding process without getting caught in reactivity, or into being overly identified with it as ‘self,’ and this insight changes your relationship to the mind-body. The waves keep coming, but you don’t get swept away by them. Or as Swami Satchidanada often said, “you can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf!” This ability to remain balanced amidst ever-changing conditions is the balance of equanimity.

There’s an old story that illustrates the wisdom of this state of mind. A farmer's most valuable asset is the one horse he owns. One day it runs away. All the townspeople commiserate with him, "Oh, what terrible luck! You've fallen into poverty now, with no way to pull the plow or move your goods!" The farmer merely responds, "I don't know if it's unfortunate or not; all I know is that my horse is gone."

A few days later, the horse returns, and following it are 6 more horses, both stallions and mares. The townspeople say "Oh! You've struck it rich! Now you have 7 horses to your name!" Again, the farmer says, "I don't know if I'm fortunate or not; all that I can say is that I now have 7 horses in my stable."

A few days later, while the farmer's son is trying to break in one of the wild stallions, he's thrown from the horse and breaks his leg and shoulder. All the townspeople bemoan his fate: "Oh, how terrible! Your son has been so badly injured, he'll not be able to help you with the harvest. What a misfortune!” The farmer responds, “I don't know if its a misfortune or not; what I know is that my son has been injured.”

Less than a week later, the army sweeps through town, conscripting all of the young men to fight in a war... all except for the farmer's son who is unable to fight because of his injury.

The fact is, you can’t know what changes your life will bring, or what the ultimate consequences will be. Equanimity allows for the mystery of things; the unknowable, uncontrollable nature of things to be just as they are. In this radical acceptance lies peace and freedom – right there in the midst of whatever pleasant or unpleasant circumstances we find ourselves in. When we open to the truth that there is actually very little we can control other than our own reactions to circumstances, we learn to let go.

Cultivating the qualities of kindness, compassion, and joy open your heart to others. Equanimity balances the giving of your heart’s love with the recognition and acceptance that things are the way they are. However much you may care for someone, however much you may do for others, however much you would like to control or wish that things were other than they are, equanimity reminds you that all beings everywhere are responsible for their own actions, and for the consequences of their actions.

Without this recognition, it’s easy to fall into compassion fatigue, helper-burnout, and even despair. Equanimity allows you to open your heart and offer as much love, kindness, compassion, and rejoicing as you can, while letting go of your expectations and attachment to results. Equanimity endows the other three Brahma-Viharas with kshanti – patience, persistence, and forbearance. So you can keep your heart open even if the kindness, compassion and appreciative joy you offer to others is not returned. It is equanimity that brings immeasurability or boundlessness to the other three Brahma-Viharas.

If you practice asana, your practice can offer a good opportunity to become better at recognizing where, when, and how you get caught in or swept away by reactivity, and to observe your attachment to results. You might even observe an attachment to results in your motivation to practice in the first place! The desire to feel good and avoid the unpleasant might very well condition your whole experience of practice. But fixating on the results can cause you to miss key aspects of the process. As you continue in your asana practice, at some point it’s likely that factors outside your control—anatomical realities, injury, aging or illness – will affect your practice. When they do, you have a chance to practice equanimity by letting go of your attachment to the results you had been seeking. Equanimity gives you the energy to persist, regardless of the outcome, because you are connected to the integrity of the effort itself. Equanimity allows me to feel inspired by the beauty of the backbends modeled by B.K.S. Iyengar in Light On Yoga, knowing my back will never be able to accomplish them, and enjoy practicing the backbend I can do today.

In The Bhagavad-Gita Krishna tells Arjuna that this attitude of focusing on the action without attachment to the outcome is yoga: “Self-possessed, resolute, act without any thought of results, open to success or failure. This equanimity is yoga.” Similarly, Patanjali tells us in Yoga Sutra I:12 - 16 that abhyasa, continuous applied effort, coupled with vairagya, the willingness to observe experience without getting caught in reactivity to it, will lead to freedom from suffering.

  

For a formal practice to cultivate equanimity, begin with some calming breaths, or a mantra meditation. Once you feel calm, reflect on your deepest desire for happiness and freedom from suffering, both for yourself and others. Contemplate your desire to serve the needs of others and to be compassionately engaged in the world. Acknowledge both the joy and the suffering that exist throughout the world; the good deeds and the evil ones. As you continue to breathe into your heart’s center, acknowledge the necessity of balancing your desire to make positive change in the world with the reality that you cannot control the actions of others.

Bring to mind the image someone for whom you have no strong feelings one way or the other. With this person in your mind’s eye, repeat the following phrases to yourself, coordinating with the out-breath if you like:

“All beings like yourself are responsible for their own actions.”

“Suffering or happiness is created through one’s relationship to experience, not by experience itself.”

“Although I wish only the best for you, I know that your happiness or unhappiness depends on your actions, not on my wishes for you.”

“May you not be caught in reactivity.”

Feel free to use similar, appropriate phrases of your own devising. After a few minutes, shift your attention to your benefactors, those who have offered you support and assistance throughout your life, including teachers, friends, family, as well as the unseen workers who keep the societal infrastructure working. Silently repeat the phrases to yourself as you contemplate these benefactors.

            

After several minutes, begin to reflect upon your loved ones, directing the phrases to them, followed by the difficult people in your life. While feeling kindness, compassion and joy for those we love comes more easily than it does for those with whom we have difficulty, it is often the opposite with equanimity. It’s a lot easier to accept that those we dislike are responsible for their own happiness than it is for those we care for deeply since we feel more attachment to them. Whatever your experience, simply note any reactivity and see if you can be equinanimous with your reactivity!

Broaden your reach after a few minutes to include all beings everywhere throughout the world, and then finally concentrate contemplating equanimity in regards to yourself, noticing how taking responsibility for your own happiness and unhappiness can feel the hardest of all.

“All beings, including myself, are responsible for their own actions.”

“Suffering or happiness is created through one’s relationship to experience, not by experience itself.”

“Although I wish only the best for myself, I know that my happiness or unhappiness depends upon my actions, not my wishes for myself.”

“May I not be caught in reactivity.”

When you cultivate metta, the friendly quality of kind regard, karuna, the compassionate response to the suffering of others, and mudita, the delight in the happiness and success of others, it is equanimity that ultimately allows you to truly expand your capacity to experience this kind of boundless love for those beyond your immediate circle of friends and family, opening to the infinite capacity of your heart to embrace all beings.

Upeksha Bhavana: Cultivating Equanimity

The meditation and cultivation of equanimity helps create and sustain a balanced mind that remains calm and at peace within all the changing circumstances of life; what Zorba, the Greek calls, “the full catastrophe.”

Preliminary Practice: Begin with some calming breath or mantra meditation. When you are experiencing some modicum of calm, begin the cultivation of equanimity.

Basic Practice: As with the previous meditations. Especially here, if there is any agitation or anxiety present, return to calming, stabilizing breath work.

The Phrases:

All beings are the owners or heirs of their karma.

Appropriate action leads to good results; inappropriate action leads to bad results.

Everyone must face his or her own situation.

Although I wish only the best for you, I know that your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your actions, not my wishes for you.

May I (you, he, she, they) not be caught in reactivity.

Use these and other appropriate phrases.

The Traditional Sequence of Upeksha Bhavana:

1.     To a neutral person.

2.     To benefactors.

3.     To loved ones.

4.     To difficult people.

5.     To all beings.

6.     To yourself.

Boundless Joy: The Delight In Being

     “We hate it when our friends are successful,” sang Morrissey, the mope-rock, singer songwriter and former leader of The Smiths. And while  “hate” may be overstating the issue, a quick Google search of that song finds hundreds of articles and blogs quoting Morrissey, with people sharing the dark, not-so-secret fact, that rather than celebrating others’ successes and happiness, we often react with envy and jealousy. And the flip side of this human quirk is the guilty delight, or schadenfreude, we feel when others fail, as evidenced by so much of the popular reaction to celebrities’ foibles and misfortunes.

       It’s as if we had internalized the notion that there’s only so much happiness, joy, or good fortune to go around, and that if others are happy, there must be less available for us! This must be an age-old problem, and certainly not one limited to contemporary society, because already, over 2,000 years ago, both the Buddha and later, Patanjali, taught the practice of mudita, the third of the Brahma-Viharas, the yogic teachings on love, as an antidote to this notion that we need feel threatened or diminished by the happiness of others by cultivating the ability to take active delight in others’ good fortune.

The Classical Yoga tradition warns that feeling envy is painful and disrupting of our own mental well-being. The tradition singles out cultivating delight in virtuous people. “Don’t envy them; don’t try to pull them down. Appreciate the virtuous qualities in them and try to cultivate them in your own life,” Satchidananda writes in his commentary on Patanjali.

Speaking from the Buddhist yoga tradition, where the Brahma-Viharas are also known as the “Four Immeasurables,” or “Limitless Ones” the Dalai Lama speaks for a kind of ‘enlightened self interest.’ As he puts it, there are so many people in this world it simply makes sense to make their happiness as important as our own, because then our chances of delight are increased. If we are only happy for ourselves, there are many fewer chances for happiness. But if we can be happy when good things happen to others, then our chances for delight are increased “six billion to one!”

I try to remember this myself when I find myself on a long line, like at the bank. Rather than fall into impatience or envy of the folks toward the front of the line, I imagine their relief when they are called to the teller’s window and feel happy for them. By the time it’s my turn, I’m feeling pretty darn happy myself!

The root of the word mudita means “to be pleased, to have a sense of gladness.” The Buddha called mudita “the mind-deliverance of gladness” because this joyful delight actually liberates our hearts and minds. While the mainstream Buddhist tradition tends to translate mudita as “empathetic or altruistic joy” to emphasize our over-coming of envy and jealousy by taking delight in the happiness of others, as Thich Nhat Hanh points out, this is too limiting a definition because it discriminates between self and others. In Teachings On Love, he writes: “A deeper definition of mudita is a joy that is filled with peace and contentment. We rejoice when we see others happy, but we rejoice in our own well-being as well. How can we feel joy for another person when we do not feel joy for ourselves?”

So much of our unhappiness comes from the negativity we hold towards ourselves and toward others. Through our judgments, comparisons, and envy we suffer from a sense of aloneness and lack. Because there are so many constricting impediments to truly opening up to joy, mudita is often said to be the most difficult of the Brahma-Viharas to cultivate. Perhaps because of this very difficulty, mudita can be a powerful liberating force, freeing us from the sense of isolation and self-constriction. And, thankfully, there are many ways we can create the conditions for opening to joy, in asana practice, meditation, and throughout the day.

Whether in my own asana practice, or when teaching, when focusing on joy, I find it helpful to follow John Friend’s advice to “look for the good.” To counter-act the mind’s tendency to fixate on what’s “wrong” with a posture – or with any of life’s experiences – we can actively look for what is “right.” This is not a Pollyannaish denial of duhkha – the unsatisfactory and painful aspects of life. After all, mudita follows the first two Brahma-Viharas: metta, the friendly, non-judgmental accepting quality of what is, and karuna, the compassionate opening to whatever physical, emotional, energetic and mental ills you may be experiencing. We cannot open to real joy if we are caught in aversion or attachment. A psychotherapist I worked with once said that the most pain avoidant people have the least joy in their lives.

The Buddha said that all experiences can be categorized as being either pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. When we cultivate joy, we focus more on the pleasant, but the neutral too can help grow more joy. Thich Nhat Hanh offers the example of the “non-toothache.” When you last had a toothache, you knew for sure that it was unpleasant and that to not have a toothache would be pleasant. But now, you overlook the joy of the non-toothache because it is “neutral.” By bringing attention to the fact that your teeth do not hurt, you may feel a gentle smile of appreciation arise. The neutral quality of experience, through mindfulness, can be the nourishment for greater joy.

A deep, and long relaxation is a must when cultivating joy in our asana practice. While lying in shavasana, you can “touch” various parts of your body with your loving attention. For instance, bringing attention to your eyes as you inhale, send an “inner smile” to your eyes, full of gratitude and appreciation for them as you exhale. Spend a few breaths, smiling to each part of your body. As you move your attention through your body, you do this for your limbs, your inner organs – even, and especially for those parts of the body you may be less than satisfied with – developing greater joy and deeper appreciation for what is.

This practice of cultivating appreciation and gratitude can be taken off the mat and practiced throughout the day. A student shared with me that she felt that life had lost its “flavor” and had become rather empty. As part of her practice, I asked her to spend some time at the end of each day, reviewing her day and making a list of five things that brought her some joy. I emphasized that these need not be “big” things; that perhaps seeing a child laugh while a puppy licked its face could bring her some joy. At the end of one week, she asked if she had to limit her list to five things. She said she found that there were many joy-filled experiences, even on her darkest days. Without denying her sadness and heavy spirit, she was finding that all was not dark. As Leonard Cohen says, “the joy kept breaking through.”

Somewhat paradoxically, the contemplation on impermanence can also enhance our ability to touch joy. The Buddha thought the contemplation of impermanence so important he called it one of the three “Dharma Seals,” saying that without an understanding of impermanence, one could not fully penetrate the Dharma, meaning both his teachings and the real nature of things. I know for myself that the awareness of the impermanent nature of all phenomena – including myself – makes me more sensitive to the effervescent nature of experience. When awake to impermanence, I do not take any one or anything for granted. I stay in touch with what’s happening, and feel the joy of simply being awake to life.

As the mental obstacles to joy are so pernicious, it is important to stay alert to their presence as soon as they arise. When we are judgmental, the mind becomes rigidly attached to how it thinks things should be. If we are judgmental of ourselves, chances are we are also judgmental of others. Mudita, being nonjudgmental, accepts that others can find happiness in things that we would not. Can we accept that others may choose to live their lives differently from us and feel happy for them? Viveka, or discernment is still required, of course. Unfortunately, many people delude themselves as to what makes them happy, and in fact create unhappiness for themselves or others. But if people are genuinely happy and they are not harming themselves or others, mudita is the practice of sharing in their happiness.

Comparing mind is another major obstacle to feeling joy. Whether we compare ourselves to others as better, worse, or the same, we are falling into the trap of “conceit.” Comparing can never bring peace or joy because there is no end to the possibilities of things we can compare ourselves to! While it’s obvious that comparing ourselves as “better” or “worse” is painful, it may seem surprising that even comparing ourselves as “the same” or “equal” to others is considered “conceit.” The problem is, that all comparing is looking at others in order to define oneself. It is evaluating our self worth in reference to others, when the spirit of mudita and the other Brahma-Viharas affirms that we innately deserve to be happy. When we truly believe and understand that deep reality, we can take delight in the happiness of others instead of feeling threatened by it. Our relationship to the world becomes one of communion rather than competition.

The formal practice of mudita-bhavana (joy cultivation), celebrates the happiness of all beings – ourselves included! In fact, through the growing insight into the interdependent nature of the world, we see that the happiness of “others” is indeed our happiness.

To enter into the spirit of mudita-bhavana, it is helpful to recall your own innate goodness. Bring to mind a time when you said or did something that was kind, generous, caring or loving. If nothing comes to mind, turn your attention to a quality in yourself that you enjoy or like about yourself, some skill or talent perhaps that you can recognize and appreciate. If still nothing comes to mind, simply reflect on the basic “rightness” of your innate wish to be happy.

Then begin to offer yourself appreciative and encouraging phrases acknowledging the joy and happiness you’ve experienced in life.

“May I learn to appreciate the happiness and joy I experience.”

“May the joy I experience continue and grow.”

“May I be filled with joy and gratitude.”

Of course, you are free to create any phrases that have an appreciative intention, and as you send these wishes to yourself, open yourself to whatever feelings arise in your body and mind. Notice what – if any – reactivity is provoked by the practice. Don’t expect to instantly feel great joy and appreciation. As a “purification practice,” sometimes all we see is our lack of appreciation and the mind’s judging reactivity. Simply note whatever arises, and return to the phrases, with as much friendliness and compassion you can muster.

After directing these phrases to yourself for a while, the traditional sequence moves on to a benefactor, defined as someone who has inspired you or offered you aid in any way.

“May you experience joy and may your happiness continue.”

“May you be filled with appreciation for your happiness and success.”

“May your happiness and good fortune continue.”

“May you be successful and met with appreciation.”

Following a benefactor, the sequence moves on to a loved one or friend; then towards a neutral person, defined as someone you barely know – maybe even a stranger for whom you have no strong feelings one way or the other. Following the neutral person, we see if we can include sending these phrases and connecting to feeling joy and delight for the happiness and success of the “difficult” people in your life; perhaps someone you envy, but generally those whom you have shut out from your heart.

“May your happiness and joy increase.”

“May the joy in your life continue and grow.”

“May you be successful and met with appreciation.”

If it becomes too difficult to send to a difficult person, acknowledge this with non-judgmental acceptance, and return to sending these phrases to a loved one or yourself. Trust that in time, your heart will expand to include even those for whom you now feel resentment and envy.

Finally, with the understanding that all beings wish to be met with appreciation, we send these phrases to all beings throughout the world. Imagine radiating these positive thoughts from your immediate environment, out in all directions, sending appreciative joy-filled wishes to all beings in existence. When you feel ready to end the meditation, take some time to simply sit with your feelings, and your breath, honoring whatever you experience.

In the Buddhist yoga tradition, the practice of “sharing merit” is another antidote to the idea that the happiness of others means there’s less for us. When we feel that there is a fixed amount of happiness in the world, we fall into an embittered, resentful state of competition with others. Yet, happiness, like love, increases when it is shared. Sharon Salzberg, the Buddhist meditation teacher, describes merit as a power that is born in and grows through acts of goodness. Sharing this merit itself is a powerful, wholesome action that generates its own power. When you give away your merit to others, your own merit increases! Happiness does not diminish in our hearts when we share it. It isn’t a commodity limited in such a way that it has to be rationed.

When we share merit, happiness, or love with all sentient beings, by the very nature of our own sentience, we are included! There is no real separation between “us” and “them.”

In this spirit, I would like to offer the version of “sharing merit” that I like to end all my classes with:

“Whatever merit we may have generated through our practice together

We now dedicate and offer all of it

to all sentient beings throughout the world, equally.

May our thoughts, our words, and our actions

Bring benefit to the world.”

Mudita-Bhavana

The salient characteristic of joy is a gladness that celebrates the happiness of others. It is the  opposite of envy and jealousy. Ultimately, through the insight of no-separation, the happiness of “others” is our happiness.   

Preliminary Practice:  Bring to mind the image of a benefactor whose happiness you share in. Begin with the following phrases:

       

     May your happiness and good fortune continue.

     May your success and prosperity continue.

Basic Practice: The same attitude as previous meditations (metta and karuna).

The Phrases: The two above and/or other appropriate statements.

The Traditional Sequence of Mudita Bhavana:

1.     To a benefactor and then a loved one or friend.

2.     To someone you envy.

3.     To other individuals.

4.     To groups of people.

5.     All beings, known and unknown to you.

April Daily Practice: Enlighten Up!

April.... it's Spring in the Northern Hemisphere, but if you're in the Southern Hemisphere, it's a good time to "enlighten up" as well!

What do I mean by "enlighten up?" Primarily, it's not taking ourselves all that seriously all the time. It's learning to smile at our 'foibles' and 'follies.' One of my favorite "Dalai Lama Stories," is told by Sharon Salzberg. Apparently, the Dalai Lama was interested in having a tour of Gethsemene Monastery to see how they managed to be self-sufficient. As usual, he was accompanied by a retinue of other Buddhist teachers (including Sharon) as well as the ever-present media.

During the tour, the Dalai Lama learned that the monastery makes both cakes and pastries as well as cheese. At the conclusion of the tour, the abbot presented the Dalai Lama with a big wheel of cheese. The Dalai Lama took the wheel of cheese in his hand, looked at it, then looked up with that marvelous twinkle in his eyes and said, "But I was hoping for a cake!" And then he burst out in his famous belly-laugh! When I heard Sharon tell this story, she remarked that in that moment, she realized that if she had been in the Dalai Lama's position, she too would have preferred the cake, but would have played the "Spiritual Person" part and accepted the cheese with a smile (while feeling disappointment inside).

The Dalai Lama, however, showed that he could not take his role, his identity, or his preferences so seriously that he couldn't laugh at himself!

So, this month, perhaps we can remember (sati, usually translated as "mindfulness" actually refers to remembering) to 'enlighten up' when we catch ourselves taking ourselves overly seriously. We can set the stage by sitting up at the side of the bed when we awake in the morning and placing our hands in anjali, (palms pressed together at the heart) and smiling while taking three breaths.  Then, throughout the day -- whenver we find ourselves lost in that serious drama in our heads -- we can pause, practice smiling anjali, and take three breaths. If we are in mixed company, we can skip the anjali, but please, don't skip the smile and three breaths!   :-)

AND, really.... I would LOVE to hear from more of you! There are 124 "Followers" of the blog, and I would really like to hear from you! Please offer any ideas for future "Daily Practices" as well as sharing how these practices are for you.

in metta, and with a big smile,
poep sa